BORED~

And when i thought holidays are supposed to be fun and fun alone~ Who knows... I'm here ranting about me being bored... >.<... Everyday I'm stuck at home doing nothing but online, facebook and sleep... Cham-ness... Good thing there are a few friends that can accompany me to borak... Hehe.. I'm so supposed to start preparing for sem 3, but thanks to my lazy ass... i didn't even touch anything.. ><.. But tmr all boredom will end... I'm gonna visit Ipoh for a day food trip... WOOOO!!! And sharon, jason n mei are coming over for a stay on Tues.. double WOOOOO!!! am so excited now already~~!!

It is finally here...

What had been dreaded for months by fellow Bpharmers had finally arrived... End of Semester 2 Examination... I'm so friggin "thrilled" now... With my organic chem half down the drain and haematology totally flushed... I'm officially so gonna flunk my finals... Sigh.. Anyway... All the best for everyone taking exams now... =)

Inferiorism...

As time closes midnight, when the clock strikes twelve, my sense of emo-ness started to creep in slowly again… This became a cycle ever since I entered semester two, and it happens quite often. I tend to feel inferior, useless and worthless compared to other people, which I got no idea why. Every domain of my life seems to start tossing in their rants and complaints all at once, leaving me falling deep into the dark alone. There are just too many cracks and pieces of my life that anyone touching those cracks will leave me emo for the rest of the day… And today history just seems to repeat itself again…

I’ve been talking to a lot of childhood friends lately, those whom I’ve known since primary school. How I wish that we’re still as innocent and carefree as last time, need not worry about anything at all… Need not worry about what others think about you… My worst characteristics of all time… My alter ego… I tend to care a lot about what people think about me and how people look at me… I can’t stand people looking down on me, and when they do, I’ll tend to look down on myself even more instead of try to prove to people that I’m capable of doing things they can do… That’s me… Such a loser I am…

Many people think that I’m a kind man at heart… But what I can say is how I wish I’m not that kind. This semester had shown me that how I can be manipulated by my own kindness to the point that I’ll just end up hurting myself even more. And I just don’t learn from the lessons where I’ll keep on and on sacrificing without knowing whether it’s worth it or not. I’ve sacrificed a lot of my time to dancing but in the end I receive nothing but just heartaches and muscle pains. Much more has happened and each time I’ll tell myself I will not use myself to please people anymore but in the end I’ll again repeat the same cycle again, each time leaving me emo in the end… I just don’t know what I really want, and even if I do, I don’t know how to insist upon it… I just know how to let go so that other people can have it, where I’ll be standing/sitting aside cursing myself for the stupidity…

Busy Month

Well, as ALL Bpharmers know.. this month is supposed to be the most hectic month of the year where we have to stuff in 5 modules' notes into our brains... Sighs... This is so depressing... >.<... Will try my best to update the blog as often as possible, thanks to laziness... Current status... Stuck with Restaurant City, kissing my undesirable notes... Laughing my asses off at stupid jokes.. That's basically my current life... =)

Emosified...

When I thought things are going to get better as time passes, which the current condition shows the opposite… I’m even more depressed than before… I finally made up my mind to quit the dance team… Partially because I felt my presence wasn’t needed there… The world will still turn without me anyway… Secondly I’m not really into dancing, and dancing had already taken very much out of me… My time, my energy, and my emotions… My emotions recently are often held closely to dancing stuffs… How to complete these moves, how to change my bad habits… I really had enough of those… I’d rather sit beside and watch and comment, which I think my eyes, are quite sharp and quick… But some incidents had caused me to give up even on that skills of mine and decide to leave the crew directly… I may don’t know how to dance as well as they does, or sing as well as they do, I am sure my comments are the problems that a normal audience can see/listen… So just to prevent myself from being hurt more, I’ve decided to quit… So if you ter-rasa that I’m saying about you… What I can say is… FUCK U!!! >.< I really don’t know what thing I can say anymore… I’m just pissed and emo-ed and angry and whatever else… And since people think that I can’t really sing as well, I might be quitting singing in the orientation as well… Sorry guys… I can’t stand the facts that things aren’t perfect but we are still gonna thicken our face and perform the 80% work… 100% is the only thing I can go with… Sorry but this is my own standard… And to change those standards mean making me to be somebody else… That is something I have been doing and am really really tired of… I just want to be myself even at the expense of isolating myself…

Exhaustion and tiredness

I’m just darn tired these few days… At last finished the class tests streak but now have to start worry about EOS and orientation… Damn! Had been sleeping only 4 hours daily since like Saturday or Sunday… Am just so exhausted to the point that I’m starting to not see colour in everything… OMG! Things are just getting a little bit too hyped up with the performances coming into places and finals approaching… Now I have to manage time between classes, reports, finals’ revision, dance, singing and music editing… I’m just starting to get really tired with all the piled up chores and workload that I really nearly bang my head into the wall… Really hope to find some places where I can shout/scream as loud as I want and nobody gives a damn… >.<… But I guess everything will be fine once I get myself organized… I believe/hope that things will get smoother and smoother… =)

Recovery process...

24 hours has passed. And my emotions have not yet recovered to normal as always. This might be the first time I'm experiencing such huge amount of stress. Thanks for all those people who tried talking to me, but I'm really not in the mood for conversation. What I need most is time for cool down. So just bear with me for a while more I think. Sorry guys if I'm rude towards you or scared you, but I'm really in middle of stress and crisis that I have no mood at all to entertain or talk. I'm doing fine thanks for your concern. Really appreciate them. And specially for my housemates and CY and Ruyi, I know you guys are damn worried about me, sorry to make you guys worried if you all did. =) And piggie Dee, thanks for your concern far far away from Singapore. =) Just hope that I'd be back to normal tomorrow, regain my usual laughter that CY misses SOOO much. =P And also special thanks to Ms. Ch'ng Ying Zhao for sacrificing her sleep to listen to my grunts. =) It really helped a lot!